Heartbroken

To my sweet boy, on the anniversary of your death. A year today. You died on a beautiful October day. No one should die on such a beautiful day. I woke up to a day full of sunshine and promise, only to learn that my beloved boy had died. I have so much to say to you, but my heart is broken, still. The pain is never far, even though we all go on with our lives, somehow. I'm afraid I am having a crisis of faith. It's hard for me to even say those words. I always found such comfort in God. I hope to find my way back someday. For now, I just miss you. I ache for you. I think about you always. So do your brothers. Today we will get together and celebrate your life. We know that you loved us and would not have wanted to leave us so early. My beautiful sunshine boy. So many people were touched by your life. So many people have told me of kind things you did for them. A friend of yours told me of the time a few weeks before you died, when she went in your shop for a haircut. You could sense that she was stressed out, and insisted on washing her hair. She said that the gentle way you washed her hair and massaged her scalp, all the while listening to her talk, relaxed her. You knew that it was just what she needed. You had such a generous heart. You were such a loyal friend. I take comfort in those stories. You were loved by so many people, especially by me and your brothers and your nanny and your uncles. So much love. My heart is broken, but it is full of love for you. I love you forever, Mom.